Chicken Cupcakes
All measurements are approximate because measuring cups are for suckers.
The cupcake part:
- 1 pound raw ground chicken
- 1 egg. A big one.
- Maybe 1/2 cup of bread crumbs? I dunno. Mix some in until it soaks up a lot of the gooeyness.
- Onions, either fresh and cut up tiny or the dried minced kind. I used the dried kind. Add however much onions you personally like.
- Garlic, again either fresh or powder
- Black pepper
- Paprika
- Poultry seasoning
- Basil
- Oregano
- All of those spices to taste, because I don’t know your tongue.
- I know your mom’s tongue.
Preheat the oven to 350F/175C.
Mix all of those things in a bowl.
Grease a cupcake/muffin tin. This is gonna make 6-10 cupcakes, depending on how full you fill those cups. I filled my cups like I fill my bras, about halfway full.
Bake for 15-20 minutes. I don’t know how hot your oven gets. I know how hot your mom gets. Seriously, I think she has a fever. Get a therMOMeter. Also, get a meat thermometer, because it’s a handy way to tell if meat is done cooking. Chicken has to be 165F/75C to be safe.
The frosting part:
- 3 tbsp brown sugar
- a big squeeze of barbecue sauce
- a big squeeze of ketchup
- a tiny squeeze of dijon mustard
- some black pepper
- some garlic powder
Stir all that up. When the cupcakes are cooked through, apply a dab of this “frosting” to the top of each one and smear it around until the whole top is covered. Then put it in the broiler for a couple minutes so it can get all glazey and delicious.
Let it cool, or you’ll burn your tongue and you won’t be able to taste it properly. It tastes good by itself, or you can put it on a bun with some Muenster or Gouda cheese and have the best sandwich ever. Which is what I did, and I ate that while writing this, just like the Earl of Sandwich intended.
how to kiss
[step 1] open your mouth as wide as possible. make sure to stick out your tongue as far as you can, too, since kisses are like, 90% that thing
[step 2] find someone to kiss. you will know they want to kiss because their tongue will also be extended at full length
[step 3] move in for the kill
